"Bleeding, I tell you. That chimpanzee has bled the jobs right out of this country."
"Yeah."
"Three years my sister's been unemployed."
"Yeah."
"Three years!"
"Wow."
"Nothing but bleeding, I tell you. My company once had one hundred and twenty-five people. Now, there's thirty. I could be next, you know. If you worked at my company, you could be next."
"Yeah."
"It's all that idiot's fault. He's nothing but a chimpanzee. No, that's too good for him. He's a chimpanzee without a banana!"
"Yeah."

"You work here?"
"Sorry, no."
"Me neither. Thank God."

"Get back here! I be talkin', goddamn it!"
"You always be up in my shit. No more. I'm outta here."
"I'm still talkin'!"
"Keep talkin'."
"I am, goddamn it!"
"And I'll still be not listenin'."

"Spare any change?"
"Sorry."
"The fuck you're sorry..."
"Yeah, you're right.  The fuck I 'm sorry.  Get off the drugs  Get a job."
"Fuck you."
"And get a vocabulary."

"There's no paper in the printer! Hey, there's no paper over here!"
"One second, sir. I'll be over with some paper in just a minute."
"I need to print something now!"
"I'll be there shortly."
"Hurry, I'll forget!"

"Daddy, there's a line for the bathroom."
"It's okay, honey.  You can come into the men's room with me."
"Mister, I don't care that you're twenty years younger than me.  I wish you could be my Daddy.  I got to go.  And little one, the lines only get longer as you get older."

"I want to be a part of a club.  The fun club."
"Danny, you've been a part of the fun club for the past five years.  Maybe you should think about the jobs club or the college club."
"That's cold, man."

"Don't touch him, please.  He nips."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's okay.  It's not your fault.  He nips at strangers.  He's got some kind of social problem.  Anxiety or something."
"Is he bloodhound?"
"Bloodhound and English Bull Mastiff."
"That would've been a site."

"Everyone comes form a disfunctional  family."
"You think?"
"Certainly.  You have a disfunctional family."
"Wow, you don't beat around the bush."
"From what I saw, your father doesn't say anything nice about your Mom.  I bet she spent that entire day preparing dinner for us, and the first thing your father said when we sat down was, Judy, these carrots aren't cooked through.  And she apologized profusely like she committed a crime.  The real crime was you father didn't acknowledge that your Mom put effort into preparing a meal for guests.  She probably allows your father to complain all the time without putting his criticism in check." 
"This is our fifth date, and you're already telling me everything that's wrong with my family?"
"Don't worry, you'll get a chance to meet mine."

"Hey, your website's up again."
"Yeah, I called my father-in-law and told him it was down."
"What'd he do?"
"He called his friend who has the server, and he just told him to turn it back on."
"Why does the guy have a server?"
"He sells porn."
"Really?"
"Yeah, my artwork is hosted by a porn site.  Pretty cool, huh?"

"Man, that falafel's got bite."
"It terrorizes you, huh?  Just like the Mid-East."
"Yeah, this is the Falafel Martyrs Brigade right here."
"Somebody better raise the terrorist threat level to red."
"Yeah, especially 'cuz this falafel's got spicy red sauce."

"Is this too close, Charley?  How are your eyes?"
"Fine, Mom."
"You're blinking."
"It'll stop when the movie starts."
"We can sit up a few rows, you know."
"No, this is fine.  I like sitting up close."
"It's bad for your eyes.  You're blinking again."
"I'm okay."
"Check your eyes."
"I'm fine."
"Check your glasses."
"I checked them already."
"Check them again."
"Are you getting the popcorn?"
"Oh, I better go do that."
"Thank God..."

"I don't know why we have to go the Gap.  Ghirardelli Square and Fisherman's Wharf: now that's the real San Francisco flavor."
"You're right, we have a Gap in Jersey.  We could've gone anywhere in ther world and found a Gap.  It's just like Disneyland."

"Did you use any products?"
"Yeah, and it still hasn't gone away."
"What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know.  I can't go to a doctor because I don't have health insurance."

"Where's the gas cap?"
"On the dashboard."
"What the hell are you talking about?
"That's where it is.  That's where you put the gas."
"Are you that goddamn stupid?  The dashboard..."
"I'm telling you, that's where it is.  Come look."
"I'm not going to look.  Gas doesn't go into the dash, you retard."
"How do you know if you won't look?  And stop with the names."
"I'll call you whatever the hell I want: you're my brother.  And I won't look because I'm not as stupid as you."

"'Does the breakfast come with four chicken strips?"
"Chicken strips?  No, two sausages.  But the appetizer comes with chicken strips."
"Appetizer for breakfast?"
"If you want.  Dinner is served all day."
"What breakfast comes with four chicken strips?"
"Only the dinners have chicken strips."
"I thought you could get chicken strips for breakfast."
"You can if you order a dinner item."
"But I want to order breakfast."
"You could order a breakfast entree and a side of chicken strips."
"Four?"
"Sure, if you want."
"Will that cost more?"
"As a side dish, yes."
"I don't want it to cost more."
"I'll come back later, when you decide."

"Is that a Schipperke?"
"It sure is.  They're born without a tail.  Streamlined in the hind quarters."
"Is he a water dog?"
"No, she hates the water.  Loves rats, though.  They were bred to eat rats off boats."
"Hates water but loves boats...sounds like me."

"That little shit, he'll hump anything."
"Yeah, he sure is a shit disturber."
"Look, he's freaking her from behind."
"Off, Chaser!  Off!"
"He gets around, for a pug."

"Because it's scabbed over."
"Does it still hurt?"
"Well, yeah."
"My mouth could make it better."
"No, it's still raw."

"I got a whoo-who last night from the balcony of The Metro."
"Oh, you're sooo bad."
"You know it."

"Did you get your enhancement done?"
"Which one?"
"You got more than one?"
"Well, it was quicker to have my nose done too.  And cheaper."
"Really?  I should've done the same."

"They say all you got is your family.  Then I got jack."

"Honk, honk, honk.  All the cars honk.  For what?"
"To be heard."
"I'm sick of hearing."
"Hearing's been played."

"Don't it just feel good to scratch your butt?  It's one of life's simple pleasures."

"There's a couple of songs that I need to download from iTunes."
"Where did you hear them?"
"One of them's Phil Collins."
"What?"
"Yeah, it's that one song: I can hear it, blah, blah..."
"You're kidding, right?  Didn't you hear that at Starbucks the other night?  You said you hated Phil Collins?"
"Well, I hate Phil Collins but I like that one song."
"Unbelievable."

"Hey, I didn't buy those condoms just to look at 'em."

"You just keep your head up high.  It's not easy coming to a new country at twelve years old and then finding a dead body at home.  It's a tough world.  But you have to keep strong and decide what you want from life.  The great thing about this place is you can do anything."

"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing..."
"Stop staring!  What's your problem!?"
"You're not resting between sets.  Give your arms a rest."
"Fuck you!"
"What?"
"FUCK YOU!"
"You'll blow your arms out."
"FUCK YOU!"
"Watch what you're saying, old man."
"FUCK YOU!"
"No, fuck you old man."
"I'm getting security, right now."
"You better go get them." 

"You been drinkin'?"
"No."
"What'd ya mean, no?  I could smell you twenty-feet away.  You been going to meetin's?"
"Yeah, kind of."
"What's this yeah, kind of bullshit?"
"I don't know."
"What'd ya mean I don't know? Do you want ta stop drinkin' or what?"
"Yeah."
"Then stop drinkin'."
"Okay."
"I mean it, bro.  Don't pick up the first drink.  It's that easy.  Ya understand?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, bullshit.  Don't pick up.  Now, get your ass outa here.  Go to a meetin'."
"Okay."

"Yeah, lady.  Get your nose right into that bread.  Take another sniff."
"Mind your own business."
"Wipe your nose on it."

"Now approaching, Daly City train."
"Now approaching, my nuts!  Now approaching, big nut!"

"Mommy, can I have four flowers."
"No, baby.  Only one.  Those things will make your room smell like cat pee."

"When you get killed in a motorcycle accident, you're dead."
"That's brilliant."
"But it's true."

"Hey, do you have that book about that guy and the horse?"
"Do you know anything about the title?"
"No.  That's why I'm asking you."
"Well, a lot of books are about guys and horses."
"You don't have to be all smart about it, man."
"I'm not.  I just need more info. to help you."
"The horse runs really fast."
"Seabiscuit?"
"Yeah!"

"Hold on.  I want to call my ex-boyfriend again and tell him to fuck off."

"I love massage."
"Oh, me too."
"Manly massages."
"By manly men."
"Say, you're a manly man."
"And so are you."

"So this woman fills out a deposit form, and then pulls a Ready-Whip can out of her purse."
"Ready-Whip?"
"You know, whip cream.  Then she poured it into her mouth."
"And ate it?"
"Well, yeah."
"Then  what'd she do?"
"She deposited her check and said something about her boyfriend."
"What'd she say?"
"I can't remember--I was totally shocked.  Then she left."

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