"That gumbo good, huh? You like that cobbler?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, it's so good it breaks the mouth, huh?"
"Yeah, breaks the mouth."

"If you don't go to N.A. or A.A., you'll be going to the D.A."

"The best way to fix your broken foot is to write the alphabet with your toes. It moves every single muscle in the foot and restores all the natural flexibility."
"No offense, but my fucking foot is broken. I can't even lift it."

"It didn't matter what anyone got for Christmas this year. He was so excited to see presents under the tree that he opened them up for everyone. At four thirty in the morning, I should add."

"Even though she speaks English, she can't understand your accent."
"That's funny. I can't understand her English because of her accent."
"She'll just speak Tamil, and I'll translate."
"Sounds good."

"Wow, he sure looked a lot younger than his wife."
"That was his mother, not his wife."
"Then I'm sure glad I didn't ask them to embrace for the photo."

"Too many rocks. I can't move them all."
"Shut up. Get back to work."
"Yes, sir."

"Sir, where do you come from?"
"California."
"Huh?"
"America. California. San Francisco."
"Oh, California. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Your leader."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"He's my favorite. I've watched all of his movies."
"Great."

"Oh, wait. You gotta hear this story. My brother and me were out looking at buffalo. There were about twenty of them behind a fence. And my brother starts honking the horn. Oh, wait. You gotta hear this. You won't guess the ending. And all twenty of the buffalo start stampeding towards us. We thought they'd burst through the fence and trample us to death in the truck. And my brother almost wet his pants. And right before the buffalo hit the fence, they all just stopped. Skidded to a stop. How about that?"
"That's great."

"Hi, See's Candy to Chicago."
"Any flammables, liquids, or firearms?"
"Uh, See's Candy."

"Man, the office smells like farts again. Nelson, you dropping bombs over there?"
"No, come on."

"We have Thanksgiving in Canada too."
"You do? What's it called?"
"Thanksgiving."
"Oh. Do you have pilgrims and Indians?"
"No, we're just thankful."
"For what?"
"Well, I could've answered with a political jab at America, but I'm more mature than that."
"Right."
"No, we're just thankful for the harvest. We eat the same turkey dinner that Americans do, too."
"No fine Canadian cuisine?"
"No, but our Thanksgiving is in October so we're not so sick of turkey at Christmas."
"Well, that's something to be thankful for."

"Forget Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I want to see something relevant. Like Skinny Eye for the Fat Guy. You know how many fat guys are out there? I want to see those lard asses try to loose weight and the personal triumphs they incur. Now that would be some good TV."

"And I tell him, 'Here's your mother fucking Santa Claus right here, asshole.' Taught him to speak that way to me. Gave me another gift certificate. Way I see it, you can never have enough fucking pizza."

"Hi, honey. Did you get that article I emailed you about the woman who was raped outside of our house?"

"Hey, Joes. Don't get another bacon sandwich. We don't need you having a heart attack. Short staff and all."

"Wong. Go home, man. Get some sleep."
"No. One more fare."
"You fuckin' Chinese. You're killin' us!"